Anorak News | Chewing The Fat

Chewing The Fat

by | 13th, September 2004

‘“LAST July we revealed Beckham’s addiction to the Super Noodles snack,” trumpets the Sun.

‘We’re expecting a tattoo’

But never ones to sit on their hands, the reporters that brought you that scoop now tells us that Beckham “has become obsessed – with BASKETBALL”.

When taken in isolation these stories mean very little – so little, in fact, that many readers may be lulled into believing them to be trite, shallow nonsense.

But when placed in the context of the story that Beckham and his talented wife Victoria are rowing and contemplating a trial separation, they resonate like a double whammy.

News is that it’s Day-vid’s appreciation of basketball that is leading him to ape his heroes and cover his body in tattoos.

And this has caused friction between the pair, leading to the Mail’s headline: ”I married a tattooed yob, says Victoria.”

Says a source, said to be close to the couple: “She hates his looks, hates the tattoos all over his body and hates the way he swears and rants all the time.”

But hold on a moment, because here comes the Express, leading its piece on the story of the day with the splash: “Posh: I did not call David an Essex yob.”

But while the debate into what she did nor did not say rumbles on through the day and well into the night, we take another look at those famous Super Noodles.

We’ve taken the liberty of buying a packet of Beckham’s favourite foodstuff and noted that, aside from making us play football a whole lot better and lending a soprano lilt to our voices, the snacks can be made ready for consumption in less than ten minutes.

In itself this is another interesting fact in a day of interesting facts, but when placed alongside the Mirror’s front-page news that Posh and Becks spent four hours together over lunch at the Madrid Ritz, it becomes nothing less than a sensation.

If Becks loves Super Noodles – and we know he does (do they remind him of his wife?) – we’d expect him to wolf them down with gusto.

Perhaps, after just a few minutes, the noodle bowl would be licked clean.

Which leaves the question of what the couple did for the rest of the time. And makes us wonder if it is possible to make a Super Noodle last for, say, three hours and 53 minutes?

Which is something perhaps we should ask her Poshness – and, just as soon as she’s stopped chewing, the fearless Sun will do just that…’

Posted: 13th, September 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink