Do, Ray & Me

‘RATHER than numbering thousands of cards in order and recalling pi to one million digits, the true test of mental agility is recalling the names of Big Brother contestants past.

‘No. Sorry. Can I have another clue?’

So we invited Mr Memory into Anorak Towers, tied him to a chair, blindfolded him, bent our lips to his ear and said: “Tania Do Nascimento.”

Puzzled, he said: “Bless you.” “Tania Do Nascimento,” we said once more. This time he remained impassive. For the next ten hours he sat without moving or speaking.

He then, through dry and cracked lips, asked for a clue. And, happy to help, we began to read from OK!’s interview with the former Big Brother 4 contestant.

We hear that she presents a show on Sky One called The Vault and that she’s pregnant and has just had her three-month scan.

She feels fine. She did feel nauseous at first, but then she felt better. And then she craved some Diet Coke with ice and lemon.

“I’ve always drunk Diet Coke anyway,” says Tania, “but I’d never been fussed about ice and lemon before – now it’s like I need it.”

We glance at Mr Memory. He goes to speak. We wait. But then nothing comes. We read on.

“I think I’m going to go for a water birth,” says Tania, who still speaks with Ray, Gos and Sissy, all Big Brother veterans.

She’s also met Kate Lawler and knows Spencer and Nick Bateman because they all share the same agent.

Now we pause and glance at Mr Memory. His lips have gone limp. His head is lolled backwards. He’s trying to speak.

“Help me,” he whispers. “Make it stop. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

Well, here’s the question, and it has not changed: Who is Tania Do Nascimento?

And with that he begins to cry…’

Posted: 13th, September 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink