Anorak News | Red Alert

Red Alert

by | 16th, September 2004

‘OUR suggestion that yesterday’s “Ye Olde Worlde Storming Of The House” become a major tourist attraction has caused many of you to write in.

”Ere, Tone, you look dead foxy’

Where, you ask, is Jessie Wallace in all this? Surely, the EastEnders’ actress is the ideal person to play Cherie Blair.

Who else but the sexiest woman in soap could dress as Superwoman, the First Lady’s alter ego, and swoop down from the Strangers’ Gallery to save the day?

Well, before you start a campaign and chuck flour at casting agents, learn of the news in the Mirror that Jessie has dyed her hair red.

And since Cherie’s mop is as black as her bank balance, Wallace has tinted herself out of the prime role.

Not that she cares, however, as she walks hand in hand with her ex-ex-fiancé, Dave Morgan.

Yes, folks, that’s right – Dave and pregnant Jessie are very much an item again. After much soul searching, their engagement is back on.

Oh, come on, men of Britain, dry your eyes. Put your own bruising disappointment to one side and try to be as happy for Jessie as she is for herself.

“Yes, it’s true we’re back together,” says Jessie, her words stabbing like a white stiletto to the heart of British manhood.

And, let it not go unsaid, a sizeable chink of the country’s womanhood too.’

Posted: 16th, September 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink