Anorak News | Immaculate Conception

Immaculate Conception

by | 20th, September 2004

‘KAREN’S religious conversion is about as likely as the original material girl, Madonna’s new-found love of Kabbalah.

‘C’mon, here’s the sample jar. Fill it up’

Both of them are better known for their foul mouths and inability to keep their clothes on rather than being great spiritual leaders.

Madge is trying to change her image by donating millions and writing children’s’ books – Karen McDonald has taken to wearing a shapeless black t-shirt and given up pints of bitter. Well, everyone’s got to start somewhere.

Karen’s religious mania has taken everyone, especially her long-suffering husband Steve completely by surprise. Karen gleefully gave Emily a collecting tin full of cash that she’d raised by harassing people until they gave in (shades of the old Karen still lingering then).

“That’s er, most generous of you Karen,” stuttered Emily, clearly convinced that Karen must have robbed a bank or done (yet another) photo shot for “Readers’ Wives”.

Tracy was determined to crack Karen’s new ‘holier than thou’ veneer and gleefully told her that Steve had been paying her fifty pounds a week for the upkeep of Amy. Karen simply responded by telling Steve he should be giving her even more.

Karen did break down, however, when she saw Steve holding baby Amy for the first time. “Me mam was right,” sobbed Karen. “I am an evil, bad person. To wish a little baby were dead…”

Poor Steve has now even more to worry about as Karen casually announced to both him and Tracy that she was going to have a baby of her own. Steve is especially shocked, as the pair haven’t slept together for weeks. Perhaps Karen really is the second Virgin Mary.

Elsewhere on The Street, Ciaran’s new restaurant finally opened after Penny King stumped up the extra £20,000 he needed.

You can bet she’s wishing she hadn’t now as McCarthy’s opened to a crowd of precisely five – and one of those was Roy, keen to ensure that the restaurant was a failure.

Strangely, Ciaran’s “Thai-Irish” fusion food concept hasn’t gone down terribly well in Weatherfield.

Ciaran was further disheartened when Tracy didn’t show up on the opening night. She told him she’d had trouble getting a baby sitter but the reality was she was waiting in at home in case Steve came to her.

“He’ll come home to us one day,” she told baby Amy, whilst rocking and drooling – Tracy that is, not baby Amy.

More Street madness this week as Maya’s returned, determined to have her pound of flesh (or should that be kilo in these new EU days?).

She and Leanne have hatched up a plan to take Dev to court for sexual harassment. Dev had given Leanne a job in the corner shop – which lasted precisely two shifts after she pinned him up against the frozen goods aisle and tried to kiss him.

Leanne, however, is as truthful as a politician and promptly told everyone she’d been fired when she rejected Dev’s advances.

“Do you seriously think I’d touch that?” sneered Dev to Sunita, who was concerned about the rumours. Dev doesn’t have the best track record with his staff, however, after sleeping with one (Deirdre) and getting engaged to another (Sunita).

No wonder Todd’s leaving for London later this week.’

Posted: 20th, September 2004 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink