Anorak News | Now Hold On A Minute…

Now Hold On A Minute…

by | 27th, September 2004

‘IT’S a staple of every why-oh-why newspaper column, or weary consumer show, but there’s life in the old story yet.

‘Press 1 for Greesleeves; 2 to be told to bog off; 3 to be cut off…

We speak, of course, of automated phone answering systems, which famously got rid of human beings and inserted endless irritating options.

Of course, it didn’t get rid of them altogether, because the final option is usually: “If you wish to speak to an operator, please hold.”

At this point you can begin the traditional half-hour wait before being cut off. But don’t get us started…

Anyway, the Sun brings news of a company with a bracing alternative to such anodyne time-wasting.

The greeting (by a “gruff man with a strong Geordie accent”) begins: “Hello, you are through to NTL customer services. We don’t give a f*** about you. We are never here.” And it’s downhill from there onwards.

“We just will f*** you about, basically, and we are not going to handle any of your complaints” it continues. “Just f*** off and leave us alone. Get a life.”

The Sun speaks to various disgruntled customers, including lecturer Richard Stanley, who says he “can laugh about it” but claims that “it wouldn’t have been so funny if a kid had got through”.

(No, of course not. Kids are the last people who would find a puerile hoax message amusing.)

“Perhaps NTL stands for Nothing but Terrible Language,” says Mr Stanley, with a tongue as sharp as the knife that bears his name.

The paper reports that “horrified NTL bosses axed the message yesterday afternoon”.

They are inclined to blame hackers, although they haven’t ruled out “an employee with a grudge”.

Not a disgruntled customer, though – a secure automated system would never have allowed them to get through in the first place.’

Posted: 27th, September 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink