On His Todd

‘SARAH Louise has done some stupid things in her time – getting pregnant at 13, dropping out of school to work in a greasy spoon, getting engaged to a gay man – but she really topped the charts this week when she slept with Jason.

Honor among newsagents

“I didn’t mean to do it,” she tearfully told her mum, “it just sort of happened.” Unfortunately, Todd couldn’t take the same zen-like approach to the discovery that his brother had slept with his ex fiancée.

“You bastard!” he spat out upon discovering them in bed together, the night after Katy, Fizz and Candice’s joint 18th birthday party. “What’s the matter, Todd? Scared how you’ll compare to a real man?” sneered Jason as Todd lunged at him.

Todd decided that he couldn’t bare to be near the pair of them and packed a bag and fled to London. “Happy now?” screamed Eileen, as her brain dead son sat sulking on the sofa. “Good riddance,” muttered Jason, “that’s one less gay around here,” he said, glaring pointedly at Sean.

Todd wasn’t the only one shocked at Saran Lou’s behaviour – Candice let her have it too. Candice had decided that she was going to get back together with Jason and on hearing the news that her best friend had slept with her “birthday present,” went round to the corner shop to give Sarah Lou a piece of her mind.

“You’re nothing but a stupid kid. You’ve got no shame,” screamed Candice – conveniently overlooking the fact that she’s spent the night chasing after a bloke who clearly wasn’t interested in her.

There was more sex scandal on the Street this week as Norris and Rita stumbled into a swingers’ party. Rita and Norris had been invited to dinner and “to stay overnight” at Rita’s old showbiz friend Rula’s house.

Norris had taken quite a shine to Rula after she’s likened him to Robert De Niro (clearly an early warning sign that she was mentally deranged) and jumped at the invitation to “get to know each other better.”

Unfortunately for Rita and Norris, Rula and her husband’s idea of getting to know people involved them taking all their clothes off and leaping into bed with strangers. In true ‘News of the World’ style, Rita and Norris made their excuses and left quickly in the middle of the night.

“Let’s not breathe a word of this to anyone,” hissed Rita. “Too right,” Norris replied, “Emily’s not exactly the progressive type. I’ve only just introduced her to Tiramisu.”

Back on the Street, Tracy has taken taunting Karen to a new level. Karen is desperately trying to get pregnant, going to the levels of making Steve stand in front of an open fridge in his boxers to “stir up yer sperm.” What a charming image.

All Karen’s efforts have gone to waste so far though and Tracy has taken to greeting Karen as “Barren Karen” when she walks into The Rovers. Tracy has also entered Liz into the local newspaper’s ‘Glamorous Gran’ competition so that everyone will know that Steve is the father of her baby.

Liz was shocked to discover that she’d actually won the competition but not as shocked as the residents of Weatherfield when they saw her described as “glamorous barmaid Liz McDonald, 41”.’

Posted: 29th, September 2004 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink