Anorak News | Class Warfare

Class Warfare

by | 8th, October 2004

‘NOT every child can be a boy wizard like Harry Potter. Some little loves need a bit of fine tuning and some careful planning to live out their parents’ dreams.

‘Is the answer to be born rich, sir?’

And today the Mail rehashes the guide it saw in the esteemed Economist magazine, which instructs mums and dads in the ways that will guarantee a space for their talented nippers at a top university.

Overlooking the obvious ways – be born into Royalty; pay the bursar a sizable backhander; learn to row – the article, illustrated by a flowchart graphic, maps the route to higher education nirvana.

In essence, the move is to get your child into a good primary school by either going private, convincing the local rector you’re pious enough for his religious establishment or paying a premium to live close to a good state one.

Then get them a private tutor.

Next, send the fruit of your loins to private school, a good religious school or pay that premium to live within the catchment area of a decent state run secondary school.

And now here’s the devious bit. Parents of children at the local comp or Church school need to stump up around £10k a head for yet more private tutoring, and pray.

Those parents of children at private schools should “adopt class warfare camouflage” and put their child into state school in the 6th form.

Then it’s on to university, where your child can spend all day lying in their own mess, killing their brain cells with a combination of cheap alcohol, cheaper drugs and daytime TV.

Then, after a gap of three years, unable to get a decent job, the child can return home to live with you until you can buy them a home or die trying…’

Posted: 8th, October 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink