Anorak News | The Naked Truth

The Naked Truth

by | 8th, October 2004

‘IF you’re overcome by an urge to tear your clothes off this morning as you limp your way to work in the mobile sauna that passes for a train, a word to the wise – don’t.

‘D’yer take luncheon vouchers?’

If you’re doing a bit of shopping in your local supermarket and are wondering what the frozen peas feel like against your naked skin, stop it.

If you’re thinking that the only way to liven up a deathly dull business meeting is to stand up on the table and perform a sexy striptease, think again.

Such behaviour may be considered completely normal in Germany and parts of Scandinavia, but not here in Britain. Not yet, anyway.

So, to help us understand just what is acceptable and what is not, Good Housekeeping has this month published a guide that it claims will stop women looking silly in the 21st Century.

With regards to nudity, for instance, the magazine has this advice (relayed to us by our friends at the Times): “To spare your blushes, don’t strip unless you’re asked to.”

Sage advice, we don’t doubt, but we presume the corollary also holds true – always strip if you’re asked to.

If your male boss approaches you this morning and says, “Miss Timpkins, I’d like to see those sales figures and your breasts, please”, you should not just sit there and wonder who on earth Miss Timpkins is, but stand up instead, hand him a copy of the sales figures and start removing your blouse.

If the gasman comes round and asks to inspect your meter and “whatever you’re hiding under there, love”, invite him in and show him the chimneys on your own personal power station.

If you’re a heavy-boned middle-aged TV presenter and award-winning newspaper columnist, stop right there and start buttoning up that top. No-one asked you, Ms Feltz…’

Posted: 8th, October 2004 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink