Anorak News | Hearing Voices

Hearing Voices

by | 11th, October 2004

‘SINCE George Bush takes his orders directly from God, suggestions that he wore a wire during his first presidential debate with John Kerry are clearly nonsense.

‘Do not scowl! Do not scowl!’

Why, they may even be sacrilegious.

So the Telegraph invites us to look once more at the square bulge in the back of President Bush’s jacket and wonder what could have caused it.

Was it, as Bush’s aides claim, ‘most likely a rumpling or a wrinkle in the fabric’ or was it something altogether more peculiar?

The Guardian hears from Bush’s tailor, Georges de Paris (a keen rival of George de Asda) who claims the bulge was nothing more than a ‘pucker’ caused when his customer crossed his arms and leaned forward.

The Guardian’s picture shows Bush in just such a pose, although the paper seems unconvinced by the wardrobe malfunction explanation and spends some time listening to alternative theories.

It goes to the web and listens attentively to voices which say that Bush looks like a man awaiting instruction.

Bush’s tendency to pepper his speech with the ‘let me finish line’ is a device that affords him time to listen and ingest the information being transmitted to his brain. Ditto the vacant expression.

But right or wrong, we prefer to seek out more alternatives and posit the explanation that Bush has a hump, a naturally occurring growth.

If so, this makes him a special needs case, not fully able-bodied, if you will, and worthy of our support and not our snide remarks.

Alternatively, the bulge may have been body armour, as the Guardian mentions. Or, perhaps, the product of a reassuringly supportive Comfi-Man Bra?

But we go further and say that in time of war, Americans need a strong leader, and the bulge was part of his suit’s in-built muscular skeleton.

Is not his back broad? Are not his shoulders as wide as a quarterback’s and able to carry so much hope and expectation?

Mindful of this, we ask you to watch the third and final Presidential debate with fresh eyes, paying special attention to Bush’s shoes.

See how the heel extends whenever he stands beside the much taller Kerry, making him a more imposing figure, and, lest it not be said, even closer to God…’

Posted: 11th, October 2004 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink