Walford Woes

‘MISERY spreads in Walford like a cancerous growth, infecting everyone and is usually terminal.

‘I miss Butlin’s’

Now perennially cheery chirpy cockney, Alfie Moon has finally succumbed – he managed to hold out longer than most but even he’s only human.

Since moving into The Square, he’s been beaten up, robbed, forced to endure marriage to Kat Slater and discover that she’d slept with his arch enemy. And he’s a West Ham fan – there’s not much lower the poor man could sink.

Alfie finally broke down behind the bar of a packed Vic when the questions about Kat’s mysterious disappearance got too much.

“Why don’t you all just leave me alone?” he ranted. “Haven’t you got better things to do than poke your noses into other people’s business?” Sadly not Alfie.

Kat has decided to go away to for a bit to “sort me ‘ed out” after Alfie struggled to get over the fact that she slept with another man for money. How old-fashioned of him, eh?

Minty is languishing in a hospital bed after receiving a vicious beating from Andy’s thugs after telling Sam not to sell the Vic. Andy was counting on the money to fund a new business venture after boasting to a mate how he’d “married a cash machine.”

Minty overheard and decided to take matter into his own hands, calling in Phil’s lawyer Marcus. Marcus persuaded Sam to sign a document that gave Minty control of Phil’s assets, much to Andy’s annoyance.

He decided to teach Minty a lesson and hired some thugs to beat him up. “If you wanna live,” hissed Andy into Minty’s ear, “you’ll leave well alone.” Sam being the original dumb blonde refuses to believe that her husband had anything to do with it.

Charlie is also suffering from self-delusion. “All me girls have gone away,” he moaned to Alfie, failing to notice that three of his daughters were waddling around six months pregnant just before they ‘disappeared’.

The unscheduled pregnancies of three of the Slater girls has been given as a reason why the soap’s gone drastically downhill recently, but that’s a poor excuse. The lack of any decent storylines, humour and characters is more of an issue.

Last week we were introduced to a new character – Jane’s husband David, who of course happens to have a terminal illness. “That’s why we can never be together,” Jane told a shocked Ian. “He may linger on for years – with no quality of life or hope.”

So he should feel right at home in Walford then.’

Posted: 14th, October 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink