Anorak News | Pauline Falls For Sarah

Pauline Falls For Sarah

by | 17th, October 2004

‘AFTER a prolonged period of decline, I predict that EastEnders viewing figures will shoot through the roof next week as Stalker Sarah pushes Pauline down some stairs and leaves her for dead.

‘Have you seen Sonia?!’

Who hasn’t wanted to do the same after 18 years of listening to the cardigan-wearing harridan moaning on and on?

For a loony, you have to admire Sarah’s tenacity and intelligence in tracking down her prey. She’s now moved in with Pauline, Sonia and Martin after convincing them that her flat had flooded. “She’s even gettin’ post delivered now,” moaned Martin to his kind-hearted wife.

Martin went to the police to try and lodge a complaint. “I ‘ad sex wif a bird and now she keeps trying to make me sleep wif her again,” he babbled to a pair of amused policemen who promptly sent him on his way.

Sarah’s getting impatient with Martin’s promises to tell Sonia all about them and this week she decided to pre-empt him and tell Pauline.

“I’m having an affair with your son,” she proudly announced to her. “Rubbish!” scoffed Pauline. “He’d never touch you in a million years.” Says the woman with Sonia for a daughter-in-law.

Christmas has well and truly come early for Walford-watchers this year as, if the tabloids are to be believed, the entire Ferreira clan is set to leave the Square by Christmas.

No-one’s ever explained the point of the Ferreiras – other than to reinforce stereotypes (producers have them now running a run-down mini cab firm).

And speaking of stereotypes, someone’s had the bright idea of turning one of the only three black characters into a drugs runner.

Paul is now working for Andy, organising his dodgy drugs deals – much to the disapproval of wife Sam. When Paul let slip to Sam what the nature of his work for Andy entailed, Sam demanded that her husband of less than a month stop or it was all over.

“She’s stitched you right up,” laughed one of Andy’s cronies. “She could get half of everything you own after only a month.”

Andy’s decided to pretend to the ultimate dumb blonde that he’s mended his ways while biding his time to decide on how to escape with all his assets intact – so quite similar to Martin Fowler’s dilemma then, eh?’

Posted: 17th, October 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink