A Black Mark

‘WHEN British public schools make front-page news in the Mirror, we expect to read stories of spanking headmasters, macabre sexual rituals and Tony Blair.

‘Where do you think you’ll be in 30 years’ time?’

But, although we are disappointed, today’s news is every bit as delightful as the paper tells of the ‘VILE RACIST SHAME OF TOFF SCHOOL’.

The institution is Winchester College, and the shocker can be found in the unofficial annual, in which students in their final year pay £8 each to appear.

For their money, the students get their photo included in the publication and their answers to questions like ‘Quotes’, ‘Crowning moment’ and ‘Where in 30 years time’.

But some of the answers in this year’s book have been a little too blunt for some tastes.

A black student is quoted as saying ‘I am smelly’. His crowning moment is ‘Getting off his rape charge filed by his sister. Twice.’

A Nigerian boy’s future would see him end up ‘shackled to a pick-up truck being dragged through the streets/bus driver.’

Under ‘Most likely to say’, an Asian student is quoted: ‘F****** W****** those P****s.’

To more educated elements familiar with life at public schools, this is all hilarious high jinks, part of the rich tapestry of life in a dormitory.

Many will applaud the lads who not only created this book and the witty ripostes within, but had the vigour and strength of spirit to publish it.

Famous old boys like Tim Brooke-Taylor have every right to be green with envy at how much funnier the class of 2004 are than when they were lads at Winchester and the best they could muster was the piss-poor Goodies.

But whether out of jealously, misunderstanding or something else, the wags behind the book have been suspended and all but one of the copies pulped.

This sole remaining copy will now be placed in an hermetically sealed container and talked about in hushed whispers for generations to come.’

Posted: 18th, October 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink