Anorak News | Taking The Michael

Taking The Michael

by | 20th, October 2004

‘MICHAEL Owen last night did his utmost to prove that scoring a goal is better than text sex – and maybe even cocaine – as he struck in Real Madrid’s 1-0 win over Dinamo Kiev.

”Can I have a piggy back? Can I?”

The look on Owen’s face is positively orgasmic as he wheels away after his debut strike provided what the Times calls the “perfect answer to media criticism in Spain”.

Well done to him.

But not so well done to his England colleague Wayne Rooney, who, like the rest of his Manchester United team-mates, failed to find the net in their 0-0 draw with Sparta Prague.

Going into Sunday’s much-hyped Premiership match with Arsenal, the Sun says that United have a “big problem” – the club’s lack of goals.

United have scored just once in the past three matches – something of a worry given their multi-million pound strike force.

How Fergie must be wondering about ways to beat free-scoring Arsenal!

Perhaps, given his hyperbolic rant after the teams met in the corresponding fixture last season, Fergie may expect Arsenal to be forbidden from ever playing at Old Trafford again.

Indeed, given his stirring of emotions before the kick-off, Fergie may well want the Gunners kicked out of the Premier League and football. Or shot.

Yes, that’s the thinking of Arsene Wenger, who uses the back page of the Express to tell Fergie to “Keep Your Cool, Alex”.

Had he only used those exact words, chances are that Fergie would be even more purple than usual.

But what Wenger actually said was: “What did Ferguson want? For us to be lined up against a wall and shot?”

Er, yes, most likely.

But not shot by Ruud Van Nistelrooy, Wayne Rooney, Louis Saha or Alan Smith, who all would blaze their bullets high and handsome over Patrick Vieira’s head.

In any case, if anyone is in line to be offed, it’s surely Craig Bellamy, a player who seems to be on a mission to destroy a career that was once about more than his ugly belligerence and reputation as an unlovely little scrote.

The Sun’s backpage “SCRAP” tells the story of how Graeme Souness and Bellamy had a “sensational four-letter scrap” that left team-mates at Newcastle “stunned”.

Having got involved in a similar spat with Dwight Yorke while he was at Blackburn Rovers, Souness has now become embroiled in a row with Bellamy, with the pair having to be “pulled apart” lest they rip each other in two.

Or else grapple and roll around in the mud like a couple of lovesick teenagers…’

Posted: 20th, October 2004 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink