Anorak News | The Water Babies

The Water Babies

by | 22nd, October 2004

‘IN Lesson No.3 in Julia Roberts’ series on how to lose you man and make him think you’re nuts, we learn that the actress thinks, if the twin children she’s carrying are born in a peaceful manner, that’s how they’ll live their lives later on.

”Mad? Me? That’s a laugh!”

So for the entire duration of her labour, she may be wearing a rubber mask of a style familiar to fans of such movies as Pulp Fiction and Anorak Xmas Party 2003.

She’s also looking to calm her new-born duo with water, allowing them not so much to erupt into the world but to be launched like two rubber ducks into her birthing pool.

But there’s a word of warning for Julia. The kids may live to be paragons of peace and quiet – Trappist monks even – but they may not live at all.

”Every birth can have its problems,” says gynaecologist and doom-merchant Dr Eric Sills. ”And with twins your complications double.”

He goes on say that it only takes a short while for a baby to drown and, if Julia gives birth under water at home, medics may not be able to deal with an emergency.

But Julia must not worry. She must remain calm. She must banish such negative thinking from her mind, just as she has rid her body of toxins.

So we’re sending her TWO sachets of herbal tea, which when infused in her birthing pool will provide a sustaining and soothing drink as she coolly delivers her brood.’

Posted: 22nd, October 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink