Anorak News | Dinnae Complain

Dinnae Complain

by | 3rd, November 2004

‘IF we all do have to endure four more years of a man who can’t even eat a pretzel without losing consciousness, where should we look for consolation?

”Steady! Who’re you calling a ‘kent’?”

Probably not to the latest self-help manual, The Wee Book of Calvin: Air-Kissing In The North-East.

The book, says the Times, was written by a Scottish teacher who decided that readers needed a dose of grim reality instead of hiding behind ”American psychobabble”.

And so the 224-page book is full of aphorisms like ”Welcome? Aye, as welcome as snaw at harvest”, ”A glower says mair than a smile” and ”Nae need for art – God made aathing ye need”.

Bill Duncan, a teacher in Carnoustie and the man behind the book, says he set out to give a North-East take to ”all that touchy-feely stuff”.

”We are,” he explains, ”a culture that is diametrically opposed to the kind of Californian new age type of thing.”

So, if Bush does win, don’t try to cheer yourself up with thoughts of victory in 2008.

Just mutter: ”Him? President? I kent his fither.” [Translation available upon request.]’

Posted: 3rd, November 2004 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink