Anorak News | Nanny State

Nanny State

by | 11th, November 2004

‘WHAT would you do for £4.85 an hour?

‘You’re £1.25 dilated’

That, as the Times tells its well-heeled readers, is the minimum wage, and it’s being offered to any woman who wants to damage her back, endure uncomfortable nights with itchy skin, learn to snore and watch helplessly as her pelvic floor plummets from the penthouse to the basement.

In other words, the Tories have come up with the cunning plan of putting a price on birth and are thinking about offering all new mothers £4.85 an hour for the equivalent of a six-hour working day for six to 12 months.

This works out at £150 week, and is far higher than the current statutory maternity benefit of £102.80 a week, which is limited to six months.

All very well and good, but what about dad, or mummy’s business partner as he, she or it is soon to be known?

Well, the great news is that the Guardian tells us that the Tories have thought of them too and are keen on partners being able to take a year’s paid leave from work to help out after the birth of a baby.

Whether this offer extends to just the wife of girlfriend’s baby or the mistress’s as well, is not known. But it is a terrific vote-winning offer.

And hold on a mo, dad, because it gets even better in the Telegraph where the Tories also plan to allow parents to offset the extra cost of childcare against the tax burden.

It now makes fiscal sense for all the family to get a nubile, 20-year-old Slovakian nanny to live in the house.

Just think how delighted mum will be as she rubs her aching back, looks at her saggy, distended belly and wonders why Svetlana and husband Simon aren’t back from the playground yet.

If this is the way the Tories are going to woo the female vote, it may just be the best thing to happen to the Labour campaign since Leo Blair made a mug of tea…’

Posted: 11th, November 2004 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink