Anorak News | Three-Two-One…


by | 30th, November 2004

‘TODAY we ask the question: ‘How high can a star ascend if it’s scared of heights?’

Going down…

Budding philosophers can stop right here. This is no highbrow poser, but a simple matter of counting. For the answer is three, or three storeys as the Star’s front page has it.

For it is in that organ that readers learn how, on returning to her six-star hotel after backing out of the celebrity jungle, “cry-baby” Natalie Appleton complained that being three floors up was too high.

Forget the penthouse, plucked from the relative obscurity of the celebrity basement, Appleton was just happy to be at ground level.

The third floor was beyond her abilities, best left to real stars, like Division One footballers, former boyband members and Anthea Turner.

Of course, we should have said not Appleton but Natalie, because both the Sun (“NATALIE: I lost it in jungle”) and Mirror (“Natalie: MY SOB STORY”) are on first name terms with the low-flying star.

So to the Sun, where the world’s most famous Natalie is driven from the jungle clearing to her luxury hotel, while “quivering” under a blanket.

She is then helped into her suite by person or persons unspecified before “passing out” (falling asleep?) on her bed. So serious was it that, we’re told, a doctor was called.

Indeed, Natalie’s condition was more serious even than that, warranting a comment on “THE SUN SAYS” column, a space the stricken singer shares with bullying in the Army and David Blunkett’s love life.

These are heady times for Natalie, and we’re sure that we’ll hear more from her.

But first she has to change rooms and floors, lest she get a nose bleed.

As the lift operator says: “Next stop, celebrity’s bargain basement for Jason Oranges, “Razor” Ruddocks and some well deserved Wayne Sleep…”’

Posted: 30th, November 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink