Anorak News | Di, Another Day

Di, Another Day

by | 30th, November 2004

‘“THE SUN SAYS” that “Natalie Appleton is the biggest whinger ever seen on TV”.

”Move over, Appleton – there’s some new tears in town”

And to that we say Michel Barrymore! Paula Radcliffe! Princess Diana!!

To beat dear old departed Di in the whingeing stakes, Natalie (Appleton) would now have to eschew the lift to celebrity’s bargain basement in favour of a tumble down the stairs.

She would then cock her head to one side liken an inquisitive sparrow and tell her confident, via the rolling TV cameras, of her pain.

And, as if responding to the challenge tossed down by weeping Natalie, Di has returned from beyond the memorial fountain for one last performance.

In a video made by her former voice coach Peter Settelen – which he sold for a cool £500,000 – Di is seen cocking her head to one side, lowering her brow and whingeing like a celebrity with a face full of maggots.

She says how when she first met Charles at the funeral of Lord Mountbatten, she sympathised with his loss and he “leapt upon me and started kissing me”.

Stopping short of bending his conquest over the sarcophagus, Charles is said to have then followed Di around “like a puppy”.

Then, having been asked on camera about “sexual relations” with the Prince (by her voice coach?!), Diana replies: “Well, there was …but it was odd…very odd. And it fizzled out about seven years ago, six years ago…seven was Harry… it’s eight.”

Er, yes, of course. The sex was so forgettable that, although Di could remember where the foreplay began (as too can the mourners at Mountbatten’s funeral), she couldn’t remember when it ended.

And neither can we. After all, the sounds of moaning and groaning have yet to abate…’

Posted: 30th, November 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink