Anorak News | Five Alive

Five Alive

by | 3rd, December 2004

‘EVER since Ron Atkinson was taken off air, something has been lacking from the nation’s sporting broadcasts.

”So, what do you make of Aragones’s remarks, Ron?”

A few may argue that what’s missing is the throwback racism Big Ron has engineered into his punditry.

Others miss his “spotter’s badge”,’ “lollipops”, his ability to introduce every thought with the qualifying “for me” and his story about how he is best mates with Renee, the Italian crooner of Renee and Renata repute.

At Channel Five, TV executives saw their chances and, says the Sun, have offered Ron and his brand of ‘Ronglish’ a route back into the sporting arena with a guest slot on John Barnes’ Football Night.

Of course, this being Five, no-one will actually see Big Ron going through his paces, but the fact he is our there on the airwaves is no little news given the prevailing mood of anti-racism.

And Ron is excited. “I want to be talking football again and will do so as openly as I ever have.” Ooer. “I won’t be inhibited. If there is a need to criticise, I will do so.”

So, if you’re what Ron has termed a “f***ing lazy, thick nigger”, look out, Ron’s watching.

And he’s also watching the likes of Arsenal’s Robin Van Persie, who is branded on the Express’s back page as nothing less than a “wild child”.

In a piece called “Time for Van Persie to give the elbow to his bad boy image” (the words a reference to the Dutchman’s antics in a recent game at old Trafford), the Express says that, unless the player reassess his aggressive streak, his career may be over.

Of course, it may have the reverse affect – as is likely – and endear him to Arsenal fans who quite like their players to show a few teeth and a few more studs every so often.

While we consider why it that every top Dutch striker seems to be possessed of equal measures of skill and spite, the Times wonder what it is about men who want to manage the Scotland football team.

Such is the state of the national side north of the border that Walter Smith, who has been given the job of the team’s new coach, may like to consider his sanity.

The former Rangers and Everton manager took time to pose for pictures and say that Scotland’s chances of qualifying for the 2006 World Cup are “not dead”.

With two points from three opening group matches, and some abject performances, Scotland FC is merely resting. It is taking a breather before the next charge.

Which is away to Italy in March.

Forget the ball, Walter, and pass the oxygen…’

Posted: 3rd, December 2004 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink