Damn It, Janet

‘“I’VE been whisked from a rat-ridden camp site to a three-bedroom suite at the Versace hotel – with roof terrace, barbecue and whirlpool bath, a walk-in closet, two bathrooms and three lavatories.”

”You Tarzan, me pain”

Yes, folks, it’s the wise words and observations of Janet Street-Porter, Independent journalist, jungle survivor and all-round squawking bird.

She’s here to tell us about what the jungle is really like, an odd intention when we have just watched it “live” for over two weeks.

But forget the PR guff and all that nonsensical tabloid speak, this is Janet – celebrity unplugged. She’s educated, erudite “JANET OF THE JUNGLE” back from Hell to tell us what’s what.

She’s even put the word “civilisation” in inverted commas to show that although she’s returned to it, we should pause for a moment as we reach for the complimentary shower gel and question what it really means.

She is, in her own words, “the most hard-boiled, opinionated aggressive woman in Britain”, who has returned a nice person – although she will “puke” if anyone else asks her what Paul Burrell is really like.

So, Janet, what’s Paul Burrell really like? And if you can just aim that vomit into this sock, you might just help us win the Turner Prize.

But this is Janet. She’s tough. She’s “hard-boiled”. She’s the woman who claims to have spawned the first reality TV show – a fact she appears to view as praiseworthy rather than a reason to hang her from the nearest vine.

She can use terms like “game theory”, “psycho-drama” and talk about the “personal journey” she went on before “bored couch potatoes”.

None of whom, naturally, read the Independent and therefore don’t know how superior to the other wannabes Janet is and how ironic she was being.

If only they did…’

Posted: 7th, December 2004 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink