Anorak News | Clamping Down

Clamping Down

by | 8th, December 2004

‘YOU’D think that the one qualification vital to anyone wanting to be wheel clamper was to have been born a complete and utter bastard.

German clampers pictured in 1939

But there is more. As the Telegraph says, you will soon need a vocational qualification in the job you were born to do.

Edexcel, the exam board, are running the soon-to-be-compulsory course in wheel-clamping for anyone “seeking a career in vehicle immobilisation”.

Known as he Level 2 BTEC Award in Vehicle Immobilisation, the course will require wannabe clampers to undergo 30 hours of “guided learning” at a price of £500.

Of this, 15 hours will be dedicated to the techniques of wheel clamping (double park lorry; fix clamp to wheel; lock clamp; drive away laughing), and 15 hours to “communications and conflict management” (more laughing).

Graduates will then be given a piece of paper which will certify in black ink that they are the scum of the Earth and therefore suited to a career in clamping.

They will then be sent to bring order to the streets of Iraq, Afghanistan and anywhere else where drivers flout the parking rules and carry firearms…’

Posted: 8th, December 2004 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink