No Room At The Inn
‘IN a spectacular piece of miscasting, Demi Millar has been given the role of the Virgin Mary in the Squares nativity play although, like the Virgin Mary, Demi has no idea how she got pregnant.
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| ‘What d’you mean I don’t look like Liv Tyler?’ |
Little Aleesha is unlikely to grow up to be anything other than a chav princess, however, having been born into a family of workshy layabouts and petty thieves.
Ian Beale has issued a formal complaint about the nativity play to Derek whos producing the performance. Youre gonna offend a lot of minorities putting on a Christian play, Ian sanctimoniously told Derek.
Of course, the real reason Scrooge McBeale is trying to get Christmas cancelled is because his children failed to get decent parts. Ian showed what a caring parent he was this week by presenting his twins with a 99p Victoria sponge and a bootlegged copy of Shrek 2 for their birthday.
Theres more parent trouble for Billy and Little Mo. Billy is struggling to accept Freddie as his son, which is hardly surprising considering hes not his actual son and is the product of a horrendous rape attack.
But in the wonderful world of Walford, rapes are two-a-penny (just ask Kat, Kate Mitchell, Kelly .) so no-one can understand why Billys making such a fuss.
Alfie, having lost one Slater sister, seems keen to take up with another one well lets face it, they are all pretty much interchangeable and has been playing dad to little Freddie.
Youre so good wif im, cooed Little Mo as Alife expertly silenced Freddies cries (hed probably been telling him jokes).
Sharon and Dennis are also keen to keep it in the family, having resumed their horrendous affair.
Of course, in soap world, clandestine/borderline incestuous affairs are conducted in the middle of the street in order to ensure that they get seen preferably by the worst possible person.
In this case, its Stacey who happened to see them snogging in the square and shes out to cause the maximum pain to everyone.
Unfortunately for Stacy, her plans have been foiled so far by the fact that everyone in Walford knows what a lying poisonous little minx she is.
You wanna get down to a STD clinic, Stacy sneered to Zoe. You dont know where that Dennis as been. On second forts I do hes been wiv is sister.
Zoe is refusing to believe Stacy who for once in her miserable 16 years of life is actually telling the truth. Dennis and Sharon think that their secret is safe as Charlie has announced that hes taking Stacy back to her mothers.
Both Stacy and the Slaters are in for a nasty surprise, however, when it turns out that she is about as welcome as Michael Moore in the White House.’
Posted: 16th, December 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
