Anorak News | A New Diana

A New Diana

by | 24th, December 2004

‘POSH had woken up to realise that she had married a yob.

‘And still she hasn’t got a No.1’

But she couldn’t tell him to his face because she had woken up somewhere else, and she was in Peru experiencing poverty through the eyes of a child.

Posh was in South America for the charity Sport Relief. And it was a time that she will long remember.

‘I’ve never experienced anything like it,’ said she. ‘The poverty is unbelievable.’ And we got to see how unbelievable things got on a TV programme of the Posh adventure called A Mile In Their Shoes.

Or A Few Yards In A Pair Of Heels, as it’s known in TV circles.

It was invaluable stuff that got gilt-edged as Posh told us how ‘the kids in Peru have nothing…I’ll see families who have absolutely nothing’.

No, not nothing Posh, crayons. And darn fine, non-drying out ones that Posh had given them as tokens of their shared pain.

But don’t worry about Posh falling into a state of despair and losing sleep because she has reached the comforting conclusion that ‘despite the poverty here, I do get a sense that people are having a go and are happy’.

And why would they not be? They’ve just met with a Spice Girl, a member of the world’s biggest act. And if that wasn’t wonderful enough, they’ve got crayons…

But, wonderfully, the pair did reunite for a few trips away. Recently, they’ve been in Venice, but before that they went to Courchevel and to Morroco, where Dave wore – to avoid being recognised as he stepped from a limo into the souk – a jellaba.

The long white garment, which covered everything but his eyes – which he only had for Posh, of course – meant he was completely incognito as he walked round the shops, blending in seamlessly with the Moroccan men dressed in traditional jeans and T-shirt.

And was it there or was it somewhere else that the pair made love and so too a new bay-bee?

Posh was pregnant. It would be boy – they’d like a girl, but it’s to be a boy. (Had it been a girl, Posh liked the name Luna – or Loos for short).

“Everyone always asks,” the former artist formerly known as Posh replied to a question as to the next sprog’s name. “Brooklyn and Romeo really aren’t weird names.

“When you’ve got people like Gwyneth Paltrow calling their baby Apple, how does that make Romeo odd? It’s a very old-fashioned name. In Italy, Romeo is like John in London.”

Er, no. We think you’ll find that in Italy Giovanni (or Gianni) is like John in London, but carry on…

“I might just shock you all and call it Juan and be done with it,” she continues. “Juan Beckham…”

Or Romeo Beckham, as they say in Italy.

Elsewhere, the future might bring with it a move to America, where Becks will either become rapper 50 Pence – P Diddy likes his style – or embark on a career in films.

And for Posh, there was talk of a magazine called Liberty, a career in fashion and a trip to the hairdressers.

But whatever it is, you can be sure the cameras and scribes will be on hand to record ever breathless second…’

Posted: 24th, December 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink