Anorak News | Hard As Nails

Hard As Nails

by | 5th, January 2005

‘IF Abu Hamza had been fitted with the very latest model of Anorak’s revolutionary Multi-Hook, he would have no trouble cutting his toenails.

Hamza – useful for getting things out of a horse’s hoof

The Multi-Hook IV comes equipped not only with nail clippers but also with an adjustable spanner, egg whisk and coffee grinder fitted as standard.

Alas, the radical Muslim cleric (or “mad mullah”, to give him his full tabloid title) sports legacy equipment on the stumps where his hands once were.

And the British justice system is paying the price.

The Guardian reports that the former imam of Finsbury Park mosque failed to appear on a videolink before a judge yesterday…because his toenails were too long.

In what the paper says must rate as one of the most bizarre reasons for a court no-show, Hamza insisted that the problem meant he couldn’t walk from his cell in Belmarsh jail to the video room.

“There is a particular physical problem with him,” defence barrister Paul Hynes explained.

“He feels unable to walk. He has been perambulating around the prison barefoot for the last couple of days.”

Hamza, who is facing 16 charges including incitement to murder and stirring up racial hatred, is now demanding medical attention for his condition.

As the Egyptian-born cleric already has a man whose £30,000-a-year job it is to wipe his bum (or so we were told last July), perhaps a simpler solution is that this man extend his services to other areas of personal grooming.

Otherwise, imagine the chaos that awaits as our courts become clogged up with prisoners refusing to go into the dock because they’ve got a particularly unsightly pimple or haven’t washed their hair that morning…’

Posted: 5th, January 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink