Anorak News | New Year Resolutions

New Year Resolutions

by | 5th, January 2005

‘IT’S 2005 and the residents of Weatherfield are all making their resolutions. After being booked after only two minutes on the pitch, Warren has vowed to take his football career seriously from now on in – which is music to Candice’s ears as she’s already planning her first ‘Footballers’ Wives’ photo spread in FHM.

Steve orders a demi baguette for lunch

Shelly has vowed to lose two stone by February after Charlie deliberately bought her a dress two sizes too small. And Tracy has vowed to make Steve McDonald her’s by the end of the year – or die trying.

Karen McDonald and her miraculous push up bras left Weatherfield for good after Steve finally realised that he was married to someone whose tantrums could rival Elton John’s. “I love yer Karen but yer killin’ me,” he sobbed into her cleavage for the very last time.

Tracy was, of course, delighted to hear the news that her nemesis had gone for good and is setting about trying to woo Steve with, bizarrely, packed lunches. “I don’t want you and I don’t want yer sandwiches,” Steve shouted at Tracy after she presented him with yet another batch (cheese and pickle) in the office of Streetcars. Tracy’s not one to take rejection lying down though – in fact it’s about the only thing she won’t take lying down.

Ken’s son – and Mike’s grand son – Adam returned to Weatherfield for a visit, complete with a head and body transplant. “I hardly recognised yer,” stammered Sarah Lou when she bumped into him in The Rovers. You and about eighteen million other people love.

The new ‘Hollyoaked’ version of Adam is proving to be quite a hit with the ladies. Deirdre practically threw herself on him in the pub and he’s already set up a date with Sarah Lou to go skating.

More teenage pairings in the street as Rosie and Craig look set to become Weatherfield’s very own Osbournes as they’ve decided to become Goths. Rosie has dyed her hair jet black and Craig has got his tongue pierced, much to the horror of both sets of parents. Weatherfield hasn’t seen anything that horrendous since Liz McDonald popped out for a pint of milk without her makeup on.

Rosie’s mother, Sally, has more pressing things on her mind than her daughter’s transformation into one of the Addams family to worry about, though, as her new boss has just made a pass at her.

Ian Davenport has employed Sally to be his PA at his garage but unfortunately for Sally it’s not just his diary he wants her to handle. “I love you Sally,” he told her over an after-work drink (clearly a very big drink if he’s think he’s in love with the irritating shrew).

Sally is understandably as shocked as we all are that Ian seems to find her attractive, although not shocked enough to tell her husband. Sally’s love of money and status is well known but whether she’ll turn into the Kimberly Quinn of Weatherfield, only time will tell.’

Posted: 5th, January 2005 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink