Anorak News | Who’s The Daddy?

Who’s The Daddy?

by | 12th, January 2005

‘AFTER her success in Strictly Come Dancing, Kate Mitchell has waltzed out of Watford and into a part in the musical Chicago.

”You’re old enough to be my baby’s father”

She should count her lucky stars that she’s out of the cesspit of despair that is EastEnders, as viewing figures continue to go into freefall and storylines make about as much sense as a Tory Party election pledge.

Ostensibly Kate has gone to rejoin the police force in Brighton after selling up the nail bar, much to the disappointment of Sam.

After losing everything the Mitchells own, Sam was hoping to rebuild their empire by buying a half share in the nail bar – hardly Roman Abramovich stuff, but this is Walford, where owning half a snooker hall makes you a property tycoon.

Without a penny to her name and sleeping on Minty’s sofa, Sam decided that she had no choice but take the job in the chip shop that Ian offered her as a joke.

Andy decided to go in and gloat. “This is about your level,” he scoffed. “Well, at least I don’t feel as grubby as I did when I was married to you,” retorted Sam, showing that you can’t keep a good blonde down (unless you’re prepared to buy her dinner of course).

Sam is set to infuriate Andy even more when she starts dating Danny Moon, his new employee and rival mockney gangster.

Another resident with a new job this week is Dennis. Den has decided to close ‘Angie’s Den’ on the grounds that a club that’s open for half a dozen extras twice a week isn’t the best money-making opportunity.

Andy has offered to buy the club off Den but he’s hoping that Sharon will return to run it one day so he’s hoping to keep it as some sort of ‘Miss Piggy mausoleum’.

Dennis believes that he’s going to be a father soon, however, and is determined to do the right thing by Zoe and work long and hard to provide for his ‘kid’.

Zoe is becoming more desperate by the day to make her lie a reality, but Dennis is refusing to sleep with her – on the grounds that he doesn’t actually fancy or even like her any more.

But fear not, for Den Watts, that most charitable of men, has offered Zoe a way out from her dilemma; he’s offered to sleep with her instead so that she can get pregnant.

Strangely, Zoe is less than keen to take him up on his offer. “You’re disgustin’,” she shuddered.

But Zoe is cursed with the Slater genes which means that not only will she develop a predilection for painting herself orange and becoming an alcoholic – she also can’t say no to anyone who offers to sleep with her.

Den has managed to convince her that, as Dennis’ father, he has the same DNA as his son and that no-one will be able to tell that the baby’s grandfather is actually his dad.

As Zoe was brought up thinking her mother was her sister, this sort of twisted logic makes perfect sense to her.

As with the birth of Rosemary’s Baby, however, the viewer can only look on in horror as this devil child is spawned.’

Posted: 12th, January 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink