Gush And Run

‘ANORAK tips for staying friends with friends No. 19807b: “Even if their child is as ugly as sin, just smile and say the words: ‘Oh, she/he/it is gorgeous’.”

Just look at that bone structure

Of course it is a lie. That is as plain as the child. Little Jake has grabbed every one of his gushing parents’ worst features in his sticky hands and stuck them onto his Mr Potato-like, livid red and oddly spotted head.

Just say the words…like you mean them.

So come with us now as we meet some of Hello!’s dearest showbiz pals who are keen to display their new children.

Look, there’s Charlie Brooks with fiancé Tony Trueman and their little baby Kiki. Isn’t baby Kiki gorgeous? Positively angelic.

Could you not just eat her? Sure, it looks like Charlie already has, but don’t say it. Resist the urge. Coo. Smile. Then retreat.

And don’t worry if you can’t even see baby’s lovely face and the photo in Hello! only shows the pram, just say little Kiki is fab-u-lous. She is amazing! You, Charlie Brooks, have a super baby. You clever, clever thing!

Now turn the page and take a gander at the back of Suzanne Shaw and Darren Day’s baby son, Corey.

Don’t worry that you can’t see his face, because here’s Darren to tell us what he looks like. And if you can’t trust Darren to be honest, then whom can you trust?

“Corey’s just so gorgeous and has got Suzanne’s nose and eyes,” says Darren.

Let’s hope he has those features in miniature or else the little boy will look like a cross between a young Groucho Marx and Christopher Biggins.

But we leave Darren to stare at his bundle of joy, for one page away we’ve spotted Liv Tyler and her husband Royston Langdon’s newborn baby son, Milo William.

And we even get to see his face. Well, the side of it, which looks much like any other small baby’s profile – one ear, one eye, one nostril.

And that’s good – although Liv thinks it’s a lot better than that.

“He’s so handsome I can’t stand it,” says she. And nor can we – but we’ll have to while she tells us about his full lips and how he’s “beautiful”.

And priceless, like his mum and so many others like her…’

Posted: 14th, January 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink