Anorak News | Teenage Kicks

Teenage Kicks

by | 19th, January 2005

‘TEENAGERS, eh? If they’re not getting their tongues pierced (Craig), they’re running away from school (Adam) and getting pregnant (“’cos all my mates are”).

”But I’ve already got enough children in my life”?”

Martin is the next parent to find that having a teenager is a lot of hard work. But in Martin’s case, it’s not his son or daughter that’s causing the trouble but his girlfriend, Katy.

Katy, at 17, is desperate for Martin to marry her. She’s come up with the incredibly intelligent idea of getting pregnant by ‘mistake’ so that he has to marry her. Unfortunately for Katy, Martin realises that there are enough children in their relationship already and tells her to have a termination.

Sally Webster is also about to discover that playing games with men is a very dangerous past time. Sally has effectively become a prostitute – sleeping with her boss, Ian, for money.

After declaring his love for Sally, Ian told her that she had to leave her well paid job as he couldn’t face having her around if she wouldn’t sleep with him. Ian’s judged Sally very nicely, knowing how desperate she is to drag herself and ‘the girls’ kicking and screaming into the middle classes and that in order to do that, she desperately needs the money her new job pays her.

After deliberating for all of an episode, Sally threw herself at Ian in his office after work, lunging at him with lips puckered looking like a halibut in a blonde wig. Sally’s reward was a two thousand pound bonus which she’s spending on taking her family on their first holiday abroad. “How about a cruise?” suggested daughter Sophie. Think her mother’s been doing enough cruising of her own recently.

Shelly and Charlie’s dysfunctional relationship also trundles on, climaxing later this week when he physically attacks her for the first time. Shelly has overheard Charlie on the telephone over-ordering supplies which he tells Dev he needs to repair his shop but which he’s actually selling on the sly.

Having the mental capacity of a six year old, Shelly isn’t sure if this is illegal or not, so asks Violet’s advice. “Everyone does it,” she tells Shelly. But Shelly is clearly on a self-destruct mission and decides that she’s going to tell Dev. Here’s hoping her new gym classes have also included kick boxing lessons.

Kirk’s love life is also about to take a violet turn when Fizz thumps him for messing about with another woman. But this is Kirk, a boy so stupid he makes Wayne Rooney look like a Nobel Prize winner. Kirk has met a ‘larger than life’ (and larger than Andy Fordham) character called Thelma at his parents’ dog kennels.

Kirk has been looking after Thelma’s poodle while she’s been on holiday. She was so impressed by him that she’s asked Kirk to come round and walk her dog. “She gave me twenty quid fer the way I handled her Lula,” Kirk told Fizz in The Rovers that night.

Well, that’s a new word for it.’

Posted: 19th, January 2005 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink