Anorak News | The Splits

The Splits

by | 20th, January 2005

‘YOU don’t need a reason to get a divorce in Hollywood – you just a need a good lawyer and a PR agent.

Noel and Helen in happier times before she got in shape

Sure, the great and good like Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt give reasons – he wants children; she wants a career; she keeps flicking her hair into his mouth – but it’s less than necessary.

However, thanks to the wonderful work of American psychologist Dr John Gottman, from now on in couples can see if they are compatible by taking his simple test.

This test includes the doctor’s secret code and having electrodes tied to the couple’s bodies which read their heart rates and perspiration levels.

The couples are then instructed to talk about something that’s been a bone of contention between them.

Having resisted the urge to reattach said electrodes to some other parts of their partner’s anatomy, Dr Gottman and his team then process the data.

But you don’t need to go to the Doc’s ‘love lab’ at Washington University to see if your love will last, rather check for “positive moves” and “negative moves” in you own relationship.

If she’s “rolling the eyes”, “making scornful comments” or mocking you, unless her name’s Mistress Whiplash, your romance is doomed.

If he’s “holding hands”, “touching” and “stroking” your body, you are going along just fine – only problem is that he’s not your husband, but your fitness instructor.

As the Mirror says in “Sex Secrets Of A Personal Trainer”, the personal keep-fit guru likes nothing more that taking his step machine upstairs to a client’s bedroom for some horizontal jogging.

The reason for this feature – although who needs a reason for such sensation? – is the recent news that Noel Edmonds has been “utterly humiliated” by his wife, who’s been cheating on him with her personal trainer.

And what better way to help him ease the pain than by talking about the affair in the open forum that is the national press?

Better, perhaps, if when Noel and Helen had split, she’d mumbled something about wanting children and he’d talked of trying to get back on the telly…’

Posted: 20th, January 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink