Anorak News | The Man In The Mirror

The Man In The Mirror

by | 3rd, February 2005

‘COME with us now as we journey into the future. Your future.

Diana Ross and Charles Manson

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who will have wrinkles…and who will be bald?” says the Sun’s headline used to illustrate a story on the new “magic mirror” which will predict how you will look in the future.

The mirror’s not quite ready for use yet, but scientists in Nice, France, are working hard to perfect their LCD TV “mirror” which works out what you will look like tomorrow from information supplied on your lifestyle today.

To give us an idea of how it will function, the paper has mocked up some pictures of what some of our best celebrities will see staring back at them in a few years’ time.

Reassuringly, Pete Doherty, the singer who’s chiefly famous for dating Kate Moss and taking drugs, will still look “like death”.

Anne Robinson will look like a seven-year-old boy as she employs surgeons to turn the clock back.

And there’s Michael Jackson, who could look like a cross between Charles Manson, Peter Pan and Helena Bonham Carter. Or Diana Ross.

And we say could because the Star has some shocking news.

It ignores that other shocking stuff, as reported in the Mirror, in which tapes of Jackson’s first accuser, a young Jordy Chandler, in conversation with a psychiatrist were broadcast over American TV.

In these tapes, recorded a decade ago when Chandler was aged 13, we hear the boy claim that Jackson groped him as they slept together, kissed him on the lips and said their secret was locked in a “little box” that only they could open.

Instead, the Star just hears from former Jackson aide Stuart Backerman, who claims that the entertainer will “TOP HIMSELF IF HE’S SENT DOWN”.

“He used to always say to me: ‘Give me good news.’ That was his thing he wanted to hear – good news. It’s hard for Michael to hear things which are anti-Michael.”

And the conclusion he makes is: “If he was convicted, I don’t think he would make it.”

That’s grim news for Jackson and his fans who can perhaps look forward to seeing their star looking less like one of his old selves in time to come and more like a pale corpse.

Or Pete Doherty…’

Posted: 3rd, February 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink