Anorak News | A Bit Andy

A Bit Andy

by | 3rd, February 2005

‘BURGLARS coming to terms with the realisation that they can be legally killed as they work are offered some tempting news in the Mirror.

Andy had run out of rolling pins

A survey by the Post Office claims that as a nation we have £800m secreted in and around our homes.

That’s a lot of temptation for housebreakers, and it gets more so when the paper tells us that the money can most often be found in wallets, purses, drawers, coffee jars and under mattresses.

As the Post Office’s Derek Rocholl tells the Mirror: “Keeping large sums of cash at home to pay for bills or plan for Christmas…poses a security risk.”

But while householders dangle carrots in front of burglars’ faces, the Sun employs former SAS “war hero” Andy McNab to give everyone a big stick and then teach them how to use it.

In “McNAB A BURGLAR”, the soldier-turned-writer wades in with some “shocking tips designed to injure and subdue an intruder”.

His tips include: surprising your unwanted visitor by hitting them on the head with a rolling pin or mobile phone; grabbing hold of a bottle around the middle and charging at your enemy (“aim for the face or the elbows”); use an open palm when smashing your opponent in the throat; “put your foot on his chest or neck”; and if you must give chase go for the “classic rugby tackle”.

If this is not enough and you want more, the Sun reproduces a variety of illustrations – six stills to cut out and keep in an easy-to-reach place for when the villain comes calling.

There’s even a handy sticker to scare off the nasties – it shows the silhouetted image of a man wielding a cricket bat as he chases another man who’s carrying a bag of loot.

You can order your sticker from the Sun’s offices.

“Then you should probably display it in your front window to tell would-be burglars that you know your rights – and that you’re not afraid to use them thanks to Andy’s guidance.”

And then buy a cricket bat from a good sports shop…’

Posted: 3rd, February 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink