A Corny Joke

‘PSSSST! Wanna know how to get into the UK undetected? It’s easy.

Bashkim and Konstandin on their arrival in Dover

Just paint your head yellow, wrap yourself in a roll of bacofoil and remain perfectly quiet.

You, dear friend, are no longer an illegal immigrant but an innocent can of sweetcorn.

And don’t worry about being detected, because, as the Guardian says on its front page, hundreds of thousands of tonnes of food pass into this country each year unchecked.

The Food Standards Agency found that of 100,000 food loads to have arrived via the Channel Tunnel over the past two years only 10 have been checked.

So, now you see that our advice was indeed sage-like. And if sweetcorn is not your thing, what about assuming the form of a tube of tomato paste?

Of the ten consignments of foods that were checked at Dover, one load contained masses of the red paste that, as the FSA noted, ”appeared to have a 1983 best before date”.

And even then it wasn’t stopped. The receiving authorities were notified, but the goods were waved through customs.

But where do these bogus goods end up? According to the right-wing think-tank Migrationwatch, most of these talking, walking foodstuffs end up in London.

And as the tinned nuts, dried apricots and brown rice move into the capital, the white goods are moving out.

In a trend known as ”white flight”, the report, which makes front-page news in the Telegraph, says that migration within the UK is mainly from areas of high ethnic populations to those with predominately white populations.

And this is not only good news for property owners and estate agents in the South West – over the ten-year period, 300,000 people moved from London to this region – but necessary for the good of the entire country.

At least that’s what Vladimir Spidla, labour and social affairs commissioner at the European Commission in Brussels, believes.

He says that an ageing population in the EU means that over the next 20 years there will be 20 million fewer workers in the zone – ”even including migrants”.

But there will be lots and lots of sweetcorn…’

Posted: 10th, February 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink