Anorak News | Dog-Napping


by | 11th, February 2005

‘AFTER putting one child in care and trying to use another to blackmail Rita for money, Cilla was never going to win any parenting prizes.

That’s no pedigree animal

But even by her standards she’s excelled herself with her latest scam to both make some cash and reduce her youngest child to tears.

Poor Chesney hasn’t had much luck in his life – he was born ginger for a start – but things seemed to be looking up for the little lad when he moved in with Les and Kirk. The pair of them may have the IQ of a single Cheeky Girl, but they really do care for the boy.

However, Cilla is determined that her kids are going to grow up as dysfunctional and twisted as she is, so she’s decided that Chesney needs being taught a lesson.

When she caught his dog, Schmeichel, chewing up her best pair of PVC vinyl hookers’ boots, she’d decided she’d had enough and dog-marched him out of the house and promptly sold him to a mate for £100 and a red plastic jacket.

Cilla’s was the one feeling gutted, however, when Kirk told her that Chesney had probably been dog-napped as being a pedigree dog, he was worth at least a thousand pounds. Being an inbred old hound herself, there’s no way she’d have recognised a quality animal.

Cilla’s determined to get the dog back and while everyone was out trying to find Schmeichel, she cut out a ransom note out from pages of The Star: “£200 by tomorrow or the dog gets it.” Well, if anyone knows the price of a dog, then it’s our Cilla.

Tommy is another unfit Weatherfield parent – maybe it’s a ginger thing? Katy is refusing to speak to him after he suggested she abort her child (and his grandchild) and now he’s knocked his son Craig unconscious in the street.

Tommy was convinced that Craig and 14-year-old Rosie Webster had been having sex when he found a condom in his son’s pocket. And with Tommy, it’s always hit first, ask questions later.

“You dirty little bugger!” Tommy screamed at Craig before knocking him out with a nifty left hook.

When Craig came to, he tried to explain to his parents that nothing had actually happened.

“Rosie and I read it on this website that the world was going to end in March and we didn’t want to die virgins,” Craig spluttered to his disbelieving parents. And let’s face it, as excuses go, it’s pretty feeble.

Tommy marched round to the Websters’ to confront Rosie, who was cowering behind her mum. On hearing that her precious goth child was almost deflowered, Sally turned into a screaming banshee.

“Where did you get the condom from?” she yelled. “Your handbag,” Rosie replied, much to the embarrassment of her mum and the amusement of viewers.

Sally managed to persuade her daughter and Tommy not to say anything to Kevin about why his whore-wife was carrying condoms in her handbag.

“We don’t need to mention this to yer father,” laughed Sally nervously – well aware that Craig won’t be the only Weatherfield resident sporting a black eye if he does.

There’s happier relationship news for Sarah Lou. After getting pregnant at 12 from a one-night stand and then almost marrying a gay man, she seems to have finally found some happiness with a boy called Scooter.’

Posted: 11th, February 2005 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink