Anorak News | His Kingdom For A Horse

His Kingdom For A Horse

by | 14th, February 2005

‘WHAT did you give the love of your life on this Valentine’s Day?

”And then she went into the tunnel…”

A voucher for a face lift? Divorce papers? The usual line about working late at the office?

What about a horse? That’s what the Star says the crown prince of love, Charles Windsor, has given his bride-to-be.

Given many people’s cynical take on the whole Valentine’s experience, Camilla may well have baulked at the gift and asked herself why her lover should think a horse an ideal present.

But this is no old nag, rather a £10,000 pony stallion. It’s a fitting gift indeed for Camilla, the woman, who the Mail says, Charles still wants for his Queen.

But before Camilla does a passable impression of Lady Godiva or that other regal hippophile Catherine the Great, the Express brings her some sobering news via its front page.

In a message to becalm Camilla and Charles’s fluttering hearts, the paper screams: “CAMILLA: SHE MUST NEVER BE QUEEN.”

Ooer, this sounds serious. And immediately we worry that the paper has unearthed some hideous secret about the love of Charles’s blameless life.

If it has, the exhumed secret’s name is Diana – because the news is that the public would never accept the woman who betrayed our departed Queen of Hearts.

Indeed, inside the paper we get to read “Why I would not have approved” – Di’s take on the engagement.

Diana would be “spinning in her grave,” says the paper. Gyles Brandreth, billed as a royal biographer, invokes a yet more powerful image and says that Di would be “revolving like a Dervish on benzedrine”.

While we who remember the Princess wonder if Brandreth meant to say “revolving WITH a Dervish”, the expert recalls Diana’s words of old.

“On one occasion,” says he, “she said, ‘Marry her? Over my dead body.’ On another, ‘Oh, what the hell, let him marry her. Why not? I’m past caring.’”

And the people also heard Diana, with 94% of those who responded to the paper’s phone vote poser (“Should Camilla ever be Queen?”) doing so to the negative.

But this is Valentine’s Day, the annual celebration of love. So come on, Camilla, if you want to be Queen, you can – even if it is for just one day…’

Posted: 14th, February 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink