Anorak News | Sins Of The Flesh

Sins Of The Flesh

by | 16th, February 2005

‘WHISPER it quietly, but there are reasons to believe that Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles have slept together outside of wedlock.

Sexual matters were easier when Charles was single

It might just be that the man who will on his accession to the thrown become Supreme Governor of the Church of England has sinned.

Such a crime of the soul would not please some churchmen, who line up to tell the Express how they want an emergency discussion into the matter to be held before the meeting of the General Synod ends tomorrow.

Lay Synod member Allan Jones wants the Church to appreciate the “gravity of the situation” in having an adulterer at its head.

And the Rev David Phillips, director of the evangelical Church society, says: “I don’t believe he [Charles] should be remarrying.”

The pious Express agrees that there is no way Charles should be king.

The headline in the paper owned by Richard Desmond – the man who owns the Fantasy Channel and used to own the likes of Asian Babes and Big ‘Uns – proclaims on its front page: “WILLIAM WILL BE NEXT KING.”

Charles is not a fit example to lead the nation, let alone the Church.

But while the paper frowns on extramarital affairs – and its male readership dreams of having it off with saucy, stripping Sunita – the Sun sees the Queen put her size nines into the debate.

If Charles thought that things could get no worse, he was wrong.

Can there really be anything more embarrassing than waking to read the Sun’s headline, “QUEEN: NO SEX BEFORE BIG DAY, CHARLES”?

Oh, the shame of being told not to have sex by your own mum! In public! At aged 56! With Camilla!

Her Majesty says tradition must prevail and Charles and Camilla must not share a bed on the night before the big day.

What’s more, she would like for Charles to have a smaller wedding party than he has planned. She’s put her foot down and “insisted” that she vets the guest list on a low-key reception.

Her Majesty says that Charles cannot serve guests his organic vegetables; his guests must be seated at one long table and not at many small round ones; and his aide and ex-valet Michael Fawcett cannot be in charge of all the arrangements.

Other than that, he can go for it. And if he needs any tips on the honeymoon, dad, aka Prince Philip, is happy to advise…’

Posted: 16th, February 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink