Anorak News | Face Ache

Face Ache

by | 16th, February 2005

‘WHEN the doors in the Celebrity Big Brother house opened and Brigitte Nielsen came face to face with her ex-mother-in-law, time stood still.

Everybody freeze!

Bridget froze. Jackie Stallone (for it was she) froze. Even Hell itself froze over.

But then the world thawed. Brigitte regained her composure and relaxed a little. She even mustered a smile and pushed out her hands to welcome Jackie into her ample bosom.

But for Jackie there would be no respite – her face remained as impassive after the reunion as it had at the moment of impact.

And now it is our grim duty to note that some days after that TV moment, Jackie’s mush remains fixed.

Not that Jackie is bitter. She does admit that in the days after her eviction from the house and, in light of the press coverage, “I thought, I didn’t dare show my face.”

But she is a game woman, who perhaps realises that so long as she poses only for stills and not moving pictures, no-one need know that her look is forever etched in lip-gloss and foundation.

So here she is in OK!, posing for one picture after another, changing outfits and settings but always wearing the same look of a woman stunned in time.

In only two of the many pictures does Jackie manage to open her mouth, and then only wide enough to push, say, a pea or the tip of a bendy straw into.

These minor miracles occur when she is seated at her piano and holding aloft a glass of vino.

For the rest of them time she appears tight-lipped, which makes us applaud OK!’s ability to solicit enough words from Jackie to fill a nine-page feature.

Or the magazine might have dispensed with words and just read her mind. Or her arse…’

Posted: 16th, February 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink