Anorak News | A Low-Key Affair

A Low-Key Affair

by | 18th, February 2005

‘BEFORE you raid your Andy & Fergie piggy bank, note that you can save yourself a small fortune with Anorak’s Ye Olde Royale Conversion Kit.

Handy for the pub

The kit contains a pouch of grey pencils, a full pack of 20 stick-on ciggies and a set of woolly wigs.

A simple peel here and a drawn line there, and quicker than you can says “he’s got some nerve” your Princess Di mugs and bumper stickers are transformed to show your support for wife No.2, the lovely Camilla.

And don’t worry about looking cheap, because the Mail says the happy couple have set the tone by deciding to marry in the Guildhall on Windsor’s High Street.

For those attending the do, the Express turns its front page into a guidebook, telling us the history of the venue (built in 1690 and partly designed by Sir Christopher Wren) and how to get there (take your carriage past the McDonald’s, left at the Three Tuns pub and when you see the John Lewis department store, best look for a parking space).

Anyone who pays the princely sum of £285 to hire this venue for weddings can expect to see the room where the Berkshire coroner holds official inquests into deaths (oh, the irony) and the wedding toilet with its peeling paint and graffiti.

But before we congratulate Chas and Cam for keeping it real, for reaching out to the common bride and groom, the Sun tells us why the town hall was selected.

Windsor Castle had been the preferred choice, but the paper claims to have found a legal hitch, which means that if the venerable royal seat is given a licence for a civil wedding, anyone who applies can wed there for the next three years.

And since letting in the proles to the inner sanctum would never do, Windsor Town Hall it is.

But if you want to create the impression of being somewhere grander, our kit also comes with a free piece of white lace curtain hand-carved into the shape of a meringue.

Hold it before your face, narrow your eyes, look through it and be spirited away from the humdrum surrounds to a better place in a better time…’

Posted: 18th, February 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink