Anorak News | Nelson Riddle

Nelson Riddle

by | 7th, March 2005

‘IS nothing sacred?

‘Wax my sack, crack and back, Hardy’

The Guardian reports that even a national hero like Nelson is not immune from the make-over craze that is sweeping the nation.

The Royal Naval Museum in Portsmouth is to shave off half his eyebrow, in an attempt to make its model of the great man more “relevant” to young visitors.

The shaved eyebrow is of course an established feature of “icons” such as David Beckham, whose body is immaculately hairless.

Nelson’s torso, as portrayed in the Madam Tussauds recreation of the gun-deck of HMS Victory, is already hairless, but there is no word yet about whether it is to be adorned with Beckham-style mystical tattoos or piercings.

The Naval Museum is claiming that the eyebrow alteration is simply a case of making Nelson’s face more historically accurate.

Curator of artefacts Richard Noyce said that Nelson’s right eye was badly scarred from a French cannonball. The oversight had apparently been pointed out by an expert on Nelson’s health.

A likely story, you’ll agree. A diversionary tactic to distract attention away from the fact that our national heroes are being systematically sexed-up to appease the philistines for whom being “with-it” is all that matters.

To the Royal Naval Museum we say this. If, as you claim, this eyebrow-shaving is in the interests of historical authenticity, how do you explain the stud in Nelson’s left nostril and the bolt through his upper lip?

England expects an answer.’

Posted: 7th, March 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink