Anorak News | Millers’ Dossing

Millers’ Dossing

by | 8th, March 2005

‘THE battle for The Vic drags on, and just like the 100 Year War, no-one is remotely interested. You know a soap’s in trouble when not even the murder of one of the longest serving characters can deliver an interesting storyline.

Sam and her future

As Den slowly rots under the cellar floor of The Vic, Chrissie and Sam are fighting it out for the pub’s ownership and for control of Zoe. Chrissie has convinced Zoe that it was she who actually killed Den. Sam found that out, and has been trying to blackmail Chrissie into handing over the Vic.

But they both need to be careful because Zoe is the weakest link in this murderous chain, and she’s already threatening to call the police. “I can’t live with the guilt any more,” she sobbed to Chrissie, who hastily tried to pack her off to Spain before Sam managed to convince her to stay.

This week, though, Sam decided that she wasn’t interested in taking over the Vic anymore after she got a phone call from Andy’s solicitor telling her that Andy had left her something in his will.

Unfortunately for Sam, the something turned out to be his wedding ring, with a message from beyond the grave to “sell it so you can get your roots done”. Bizarrely, Andy had left the bookies to Dennis and his house to Pat and requested that his other assets go to the local dogs’ home – no, not to the Slaters’ but an actual dogs’ home.

Sam was understandably upset and is now even more determined to get her hands on Chrissie’s assets, so to speak.

Elsewhere in Walford, the secret behind Keith’s long-term skiving was revealed: he can’t read or write. “I’d rather people fort I was lazy rather than ‘fick” he told Rosie. Unfortunately for Keith, people still think he’s both.

The Millers have been found guilty of benefit fraud and Rosie is at her wits’ end – which let’s face it, wouldn’t have taken her very long to reach. The situation is so desperate that Keith even went to the job centre, but not being able to read any of the job notices on display obviously didn’t get very far.

Do we suspect that the BBC are gearing themselves up for another ‘worthy’ EastEnders storyline complete with helpline numbers – which obviously for people who can’t read are about as useful as a nicotine patch for Pete Docherty.

Most distasteful storyline of the week has to be Sonia and Martin’s ‘hilarious’ bedroom antics. The newly weds are finding living with Pauline somewhat constricting.

Pauline complained to them that their “bedroom antics” were keeping her awake at night, so Dot bought them a TV for their bedroom to drown out the noise. It’s probably best not to dwell on why Dot knows tips for hiding bedroom noises.

But the funniest part of this storyline is the way that Martin has completely failed to notice that his wife’s chest has doubled in size overnight. Sonia’s now walking around with two beach balls stuffed down her top. Perhaps she’s hoping for a part time job as a Jade Goody impersonator.’

Posted: 8th, March 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink