Anorak News | Wrenched Apart

Wrenched Apart

by | 13th, March 2005

‘KATY screams: “You have destroyed my life. I had a man I loved. A baby I longed for. A future.” Tommy rants at her: “It was a fantasy! You’re a bloody kid!”

She’s bad

He hands her the wrench he was using and turns back to the engine he was working on.

“Anyway, I know you’d keep going back to him. You’re a glutton for punishment. But once you’d killed his kid, I knew there’d be no way he’d want you. Anyway, you’re probably getting a little bit old for his tastes now.” Katy yells: ‘Shut up talking about him like that!”

Tommy: “I thought it was Sally but now I think about it, it was probably Rosie he was after. I mean, everybody knows he likes a bit of school uniform.” (And what self-respecting male does not?)

Crack! Katy brains the brain-dead ginger knob with the wrench, leaving him lying on the cold garage floor. Angela walks in just in time to witness the murderous act

Angela, using her hair as a mop, does a clean-up job and shoos Katy back to the house.

Kevin finds the body He looks round and tells Tyrone: “I think he’s dead!” (Either that or Tommy’s doing a passable impression of Sally in bed.)

Katy falls apart in continued bouts of hysteria. She’s sobbing and growing ever more pale. She’s wandering around in her pyjamas. She’s the centre of global attention. She’s the Michael Jackson of Weatherfield!

Over the street, Queen Sean rushes into the house, throws himself down onto the sofa and wails. “He’s dead!” “We know. Tommy was a really good bloke,” says idiot boy Jason. Sean: “Not Tommy! Shandy! He’s passed away!”

As Sean’s one-eyed dog is lowered into the ground, the knicker stitcher launches into a rendition of Barry Manilow’s hit song Mandy. It’s worthy of any Eurovision contest entrant.

“Oh Shandy, well you came and you gave without taking, they took you away. Oh Shandy, you kissed me and stopped me from shaking, they took you away. Oh Shandy.” Who needs Jarvine and Jordan? Shandy’s our best in show.

Meanwhile, another dad is dying. Ray tells Dreary that he’s terminally ill. So he’s gone to die at Emily’s – to get in training for the experience of actually being dead.

At this rate, Ken might be the only man left alive in the Street. And even then, we can’t be too sure that he didn’t die years ago…’

Posted: 13th, March 2005 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink