Anorak News | Hooked On Love

Hooked On Love

by | 14th, March 2005

‘“I’M sexually attracted to Abu and I don’t care who knows it,” says the Sun’s headline.

‘Let’s hook up’

No, this is not another amazing twist in the Michael Jackson trial, rather the thoughts of Julia Heaten, 43, who has a thing for Abu Hamza, the Sun’s favourite mad mullah.

“I WANT NOOKIE WITH HOOKIE,” begs Julia on the Sun’s front page. We then hear her tell the paper: “It’s a sexual thing on my part.”

Feeling the need to explain further, she adds: “I am attracted to big physical men and Abu is big. There is just something about him that makes me go weak at the knees.”

Indeed, there may well be something about Julia herself that causes her knees to periodically buckle, since the paper thinks it important for us to know that she weighs 17stone and suffers from arthritis.

But Hamza is not spoilt for choice, and from his digs at Bellmarsh Prison he’s taken to corresponding with the twice-divorced woman from Goole, East Yorkshire.

(Despite his having two hooks for hands, Hamza can fit on an artificial hand for writing.)

And the Sun has seen his first letter to Julia, and reproduces it for readers’ interested in such things, and to give a few pointers at what other women who have a thing for one-eyed, bearded extremists can expect to get in the post.

“My real name is Mustafa and I am from Egypt, Alexandria. I am a civil engineer. I graduated with honours form Brighton University,” writes Hamza.

So much for the small talk, and before long it’s time to moan about the “zionist media” and how happy he is to have lost his hands for “God’s cause”.

Sweet words to sweep any girl of her feet. Although, given Julia’s size, even silver-tongued Hamza may have to try harder…’

Posted: 14th, March 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink