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Weighty Issues

by | 16th, March 2005

‘CAN it be mere coincidence that one day after subjecting the world to a shot of a beached Peter Stringfellow in a thong, the talk today is of diets and getting in shape?

Too many sticky buns

There’s Coleen McLoughlin in the Star, trying to shed two stone and drop from a size 14 to a perfect 10 in readiness for her debut in Vogue magazine.

News is that every Monday, footballer Wayne Rooney’s lover lines up with a load of other women for a weigh-in at Our Lady Queen of Martyrs Church in Croxteth, Liverpool, to see if their sacrifices in the merciful name of sliming have paid off.

And the encouraging news is that Coleen has lost weight for the sixth week on the bounce.

How she’s been shedding the pounds is unreported by the paper, but it’s unlikely that she’s losing weight on the Atkins diet.

As the Mail reports, a lack of interest in eating your own weight in meat every day and smelling like a flatulent cow has meant that the British subsidiary of the Atkins corporation has been forced to shut its wide doors.

To the Mail, this is clearly pretty good news, as it screams “Good riddance to the Atkins”, and employs a doctor of something or other to tell us how bad the eating regime devised by Dr Atkins is.

Perhaps the Mail is of the mind that there is something un-British in losing weight by dieting?

If so, the paper will be cheered by the Sun’s news that Peter Crispin, a man who helped raise money for a new gym near Harrogate, is dead.

“Tireless” Crispin was the first customer at the new Nidderdale Pool sports centre in the village of Pately Bridge.

He was the first person to run on the treadmill. He was the first person to pass out on said treadmill. He was the first person to need a heart massage. And he was the fist person to die.

Bad news for Mr Crispin. But he leaves us with some food for thought…

Compiled by Paul Sorene’



Posted: 16th, March 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink