Anorak News | A Mugger’s Game

A Mugger’s Game

by | 22nd, March 2005

‘POOR old Eastenders’ producers, they just can’t seem to get anything right. As both Emmerdale and Coronation Street go from strength to strength, Walford’s biggest storyline last week involved Rosie Miller stealing a tin of soup from the Mini Mart.

”I joined EastEnders because I needed to be some place where no-one would find me”

Not learning any lessons from the return of Dirty Den fiasco, producers are now pinning their hopes on the return of Phil Mitchell and are also trying to woo back the likes of Cathy Beale. Why not just sack the whole of the current cast and just repeat old episodes from the mid-80’s?

There’s a small glimmer of hope for Albert Square, though, as the whole feeble Ferreira family leave later this week when Johnny discovers that they’ve been stealing money from him, and not wanting to suffer the same fate as Andy, they decide to scarper.

So, however new character Johnny Allen turns out, we’ll always have something to thank him for.

Johnny has also set out to win the hearts not only of Eastenders’ viewers but also of the local residents too, positioning himself as cross between Ghandi and Charles Bronson in ‘Death Wish’.

The Square is currently being terrorised by a mute extra in a hooded top who’s launched a one-man mugging spree. Johnny paid for a burglar alarm to be fitted in Dot’s house and has sent Danny Moon out to patrol the streets to try get rid of him – presumably by showing him there’s only room for one grimy small time villain who can’t act per episode.

Stacy claimed that she’d been one of the first victims of the Walford mugger, but even a junkie mugger would have more sense than to try and take on a Slater – her fishwife screeching could raise the dead. It turns out that Stacy simply pretended that she’d been mugged to pocket the takings from the Mini Mart. Ian’s daughter Lucy discovered that Stacy had been lying and told her fourth ‘new mum’ Jane.

Instead of smacking Stacy’s fat little face into the counter, Patrick agreed that she could carry on working for him to pay off the debts – which is about as likely as a Darren Day pledge of fidelity.

Hopefully Stacy is about to get some sort of comeuppance as Rosie discovers that it was her who grassed the Miller family up to the Social Services. The Millers have been ordered to pay back hundreds of pounds in benefits and Rosie’s been reduced to begging for out of date food from the café and stealing soup from the Mini Mart.

Perhaps she could have a word with Johnny Allen – it transpires out that he used to employ Pat Butcher and if he can hire her out as a good time girl, then he can quite literally – make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.’

Posted: 22nd, March 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink