Katy’s Acting Funny

‘THE stench of death hangs over Weatherfield this week – with Tommy’s funeral, Ray’s terminal cancer and Katy’s appalling acting.

Anyone got a monkey wrench?

Katy’s been doing an impression of Pete Doherty without a fix ever since she killed her dad – all shakes, twitches and generally being so incredibly irritating you’re just itching to smack her in the face with a monkey wrench.

Angela is terrified that Katy’s going to crack so she’s conjured up a plan to frame the ‘Sheffield lot’ – the gangsters she testified against.

Unfortunately, Angela is to criminal planning what Darren Day is to marriage guidance. Her cunning plan consisted of using the computer at Underworld to type herself an anonymous note saying “You’re next” which she was then going to post to herself from Sheffield.

Of course Hayley caught her in the act and threatened to go to the police: “If you do that, yer signing our death warrant,” Angela sobbed. Hayley, being the good egg/ sap that she is agreed to take the letter to Sheffield herself and post it after she’d been convinced by Angela’s hysterics that her life really was in danger. “I’ll never forget what you’ve done for us,” Angela told Hayley outside the chip shop, crushing Hayley (and three large cod and chips) to her breast.

And on the subject of gullible fools, Shelly’s back from her holiday with Charlie – tanned but still stupid. When Charlie discovered she’d sent Sunita a postcard and appeared to be making up with her, the bullying builder decided to put a stop to it. “I’m sick of yer lies,” he whined. “I don’t think I can trust you any more. It’s like yer choosing Sunita over me.”

When Sunita appeared in the Rovers, Shelly threw her out. “You’ve never liked Charlie,” she sneered to her one-time best friend, who clearly is a much better judge of character than Shelly could ever be – she’s gone from a bigamous marriage straight into an abusive relationship.

And to further the poor woman’s suffering, she now seems to be sporting a hair cut inspired by Dougal from ‘The Magic Roundabout’.

Elsewhere on the Street, Ray Langton has now moved into the Barlows after Emily finally admitted that at 70-odd she wasn’t up to nursing a terminally ill man.

Ken was less than delighted with the news and then really threw his jumpers out the wardrobe when he was told that Deidre and Tracy would be spending the day with Ray on a family trip to Scarborough.

Blanche was a lot more understanding. “I can’t stand the man any more than you can,” she hissed to Ken, “but death puts a different complexion on things.” Blanche has even tried to cheer Ray up but giving him something to look forward to. “It would be a great help if yer could start planning yer funeral,” she told him, “save us the bother.” What a loss to nursing that woman was.

Another less than caring mother, Cilla, is also back to form – having abandoned Chesney to Hayley and Roy while she and Les soak up the sun in Spain.

Chesney is less than concerned though, this being a regular occurrence in the little lad’s life. “Can I go and get me Jackie Chan videos from the house?” was all the reaction he had on hearing the news that his mother had disappeared yet again.

Chesney and Roy have taken up jujitsu in order to protect themselves on the Streets. “Let’s face it Uncle Roy,” the child genius told him, “we need all the help we can get. I’m ginger and you’re – you’re just well – special.”

Out of the mouths of babes, eh?’

Posted: 30th, March 2005 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink