Anorak News | In The Club

In The Club

by | 1st, April 2005

‘NOT all lapdancers end up married to comedians and become Page 3 stunnas.

A couple of birds

Some are born entertainers, who serve as attractions for people like “Barry the Tourist”, who “really researched his holidays” and would spend all his waking hours in lapdancing clubs.

So says a report by a student of Dr Victoria Clarke, psychology lecturer at the West of England University, who looked at what kind of men frequent clubs where near-naked women gyrate on their laps for cash.

At a push, we’d guess they are randy men – and correct us if we’re wrong – whose wives/girlfriends/mothers do not fully understand them, and want to fantasise about getting their leg over with a heavily made-up tart.

Oops! Silly us, we are wrong. And thanks to this unnamed student’s investigation, we now know that horny men fall into one of three categories.

1. The Lad. “All the Lads, and they were younger,” says Dr Clarke (34-24-38), “said they saw the women as very powerful and predators, birds of prey circling groups of men and waiting until they were vulnerable.”

Only when they were vulnerable – i.e. drunk – did the Lads pluck up the courage to pay for a dance.

2. The Philanthropist. He’s called Graham. “He said he was helping the women to make money quickly so they could become financially independent.”

Like a 19th Century missionary teaching African women the errors of their ways through selfless courses in procreation, Barry gives until it hurts. And then he applies some ointment, fumbles around in his pockets for some loose change and gives some more.

3. The Tourist. Barry. “We think he spent thousands of pounds. It was like an addiction.” And one not yet taxed by the Government.

Which is all very interesting. But fails to account for the fourth group – those who go to dark, seedy clubs to escape Jamie Oliver…’

Posted: 1st, April 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink