Anorak News | Porn And Bread

Porn And Bread

by | 1st, April 2005

‘ONE has to be careful when reading the papers on 1st April, as most of them like to slip April Fool items into their pages, and it’s not always easy to spot them, given the bizarre nature of many of their “serious” stories.

”Nowt as queer as folk”

Most of these spoof items tend to be fairly obvious, though, and once you have spotted them, you can be fairly confident that the rest are kosher – that is to say, as genuine as any tabloid story can be expected to be.

So we believe the Daily Express when it announces: “England 2005 …and a fetish shop opens on Hovis Hill.”

And our faith is boosted by the wealth of detail and the lack of comic names such as Danny Dildo and Vicky Vibrator (not to be confused with Anorak readers Brian Dildo and Gladys Vibrator, both of whom are pillars of their respective communities).

The story is this. Gold Hill in Dorset was the site for the famous Hovis ad which featured a young lad pushing a bicycle up a steep cobbled street.

Today, however, it is the site for Near Dark, a shop selling rubber clothing and “fantasy and role-playing outfits”.

This hasn’t best pleased some local residents, who say that the fetish emporium is “lowering the tone” of the neighbourhood.

“I’ve nothing against those who want to wear this kind of thing,” said one resident, whose anonymity unfortunately prevents us from naming and shaming him, “but they shouldn’t be ramming it down our throats.”

Other residents are more outspoken, however. “People come here because it is beautiful and historic, not for this kind of thing,” says David Denman, who has no qualms about expressing his views openly.

The shop’s proprietors, Krissy Elliot-Foster and Mike Elliot, are defiant. “It’s not lowering the tone of the area,” says Krissy. “There are no sex toys here, no naff porn videos and no under-the-counter business of any kind.”

Quite right too. For that sort of thing, one must go to Gold Hill’s friendly corner shop, which has been selling such items for seven generations.

You’ll find everything you need in the far right-hand corner, under the souvenir tea-towels. Reveal yourself as an Anorak reader and you’ll get a special 10 per cent discount.’

Posted: 1st, April 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink