Anorak News | Name Calling

Name Calling

by | 7th, April 2005

‘DID you know that if you’re called Rupert you “represent the symbols of a success group and live in well-built houses”?

”Vote Tony”

And the rest of you can stop that sneering, because the Times reports that all of you are being pigeon-holed by they who crank the political machine.

The Mosaic computer programme, the software political parties are using to brand us all, collates information about your shopping habits, what you read and what you watch on the magic box and so enables canvassers to target your vote more effectively.

And, like Rupes, you’ve all got names. Like Edna and Percy, who form part of the tragic “twilight subsistence group”, sheltered-accommodation dwellers with little or no savings and low incomes.

Come on, Percy, says the urging voice on the phone from Tory HQ, get on your one good pair of brogues and pop along to vote. It may be the last thing you do. And it’s warmer outdoors than in. Whadyasay?

And you too, Darren and Joanne, the king and queen of “happy families”, who live in towns like Swindon and Milton Keynes. You’re the key section of the electorate that backed Tony and his mob at the last election. That nice man with the red tie and clipboard wants you to do it again.

Geoffrey and Valerie live in the “suburban comfort zone”. They believe an “Englishman’s home is his castle but seldom earn enough money to accumulate significant wealth”.

Lee and Noreen are old Labour and respect the “tie of community”.

Ben and Chloe are liberal, cosmopolitan people, who may be upset about the war in Iraq.

Joseph and Agnes are “welfare borderline”. Wayne and Noreen are in “municipal dependency”, living passive lives watching the telly and taking buses to anywhere that will have them.

Dean and Mandy are the embodiment of “blue collar enterprise, who have bought their council houses and developed a “white van culture”.

Charles and Sarah Kennedy are nice, fair, reasonable people who want to be liked and given a chance to do good, honest, noble works.

Michael and Sandra want a second honeymoon, and, with the children all grown up, are keen to move back to the centre of the city, close to all those theatres and eateries.

And Tony and Cherie are just like you, me and everyone else, only better and with interesting teeth…

Paul Sorene is the Anorak’

Posted: 7th, April 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink