Anorak News | Ride On Sally

Ride On Sally

by | 16th, May 2005

‘THIS week, Cilla and Les have decided to get married. As ideas go, it’s up there with: “Let’s invade Iraq!”

There were no takers even when Les agreed to give away the bride for free

The gruesome twosome have returned from a seven-week holiday in Spain to a council flat full of broken furniture and dead-end jobs. Les has managed to talk himself back into his cabbing job. “Blimey Les! I know traffic’s bad, but seven weeks on an airport run has to be an all-time record!” scoffed Steve McDonald.

Cilla wasn’t as lucky, though, as Liz refused to take her back behind the bar of the Weatherfield Arms; so she’s now reduced to frying up lard in the local chip shop. Well, if anyone’s qualified to handle lumps of greasy fat, it’s our Cilla.

Cilla’s decided that a job in the chip shop isn’t going to keep her in Bacardi and boob tubes, so she’s forced Les into agreeing to marry her? “Think of the presents luv,” she leered at him. “People love a good wedding.” Unfortunately for the happy couple, they’ve failed to factor into account the fact that everyone hates them. The only present they’re likely to get out of their neighbours is an Anti-Social Behaviour Order.

Builder Charlie Stubbs is another unpopular Weatherfield resident. Sunita and Dev have accused him of doing a bodged job on their corner shop renovation when a nail hammered through a water pipe caused the whole ceiling to come down. When Dev confronted Charlie in the Rovers, Charlie settled the argument by punching him in the face.

Although it could be argued that punching Dev in the face is hardly a crime, it didn’t go down very well with regulars. “You ought to be ashamed of yerself,” Betty told him. To which Shelly launched into a bizarre defence of her beloved, saying that she was glad “her man” was willing to protect her. From a greasy shopkeeper? What was he going to do? Oil her to death?

Author Mel Hutchwright is also causing quite a stir. The author of ‘Hard Grinding’ has graciously agreed to move in with Emily and Norris for inspiration while he works on his new novel, and to give Norris some literary tips. “Take in the cobbles, the smell of chips on the air and the pigeons…liquid gold,” he raved to Norris. “How I envy you your simple life.”

So far it’s only Ken who’s cottoned onto the fact that by “soaking in the life of you humble people,” Mel is effectively living rent free.

Biggest bounder of the week though is Ian Davenport. Since Sally discovered that Ian slept with the temp while she was on holiday, she’s decided to end their affair. Which in Ian’s book means that she’s served her purpose and he wants her gone to make room for a ‘more accommodating’ replacement.

He’s determined to make her life as miserable as possible to force her to quit. This week he had her washing all the cars on the forecourt and going on the sandwich run. But as Sally pointed out: “I’ve had to do a lot of degrading things already in this job.”

The pair seemed to have reached a compromise when Ian promised her a job transfer over to another garage. Unfortunately when Sally got there, it seems that Ian had briefed her new boss on exactly where Sally’s skills lay and it wasn’t her words per minute.

She fled in tears and told Kevin another loads of half truths about how she’d had to leave her job as Ian was all over her like a rash. And being the simple mechanic that he is, he believed her. Even when Ian told him in graphic detail exactly what Sally had done to get her quarterly bonus. “I don’t believe yer!” Kevin cried, before smacking Ian in the face.

Poor Kevin, he should have realised that as a second hand car dealer, Ian was bound to want to take his old banger round the block a few times…’

Posted: 16th, May 2005 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink