Anorak News | Right Sexy

Right Sexy

by | 19th, May 2005

‘“WHY Tory men will always have more VA-VA-VOOM!” reveals the Daily Mail.

Back to basics

But this is nothing to do with speeding policemen. It’s Edwina Curry’s expert take on the phenomenon of the philandering Conservative MP.

“Conservative MPs still have something special about them,” opines the scourge of the British egg, and the undoer of former Mr Good Egg, John Major.

“The pin-striped suits, maybe. The hint of old money when the name is Rupert or George rather than Dave or Pete.”

What about old Dave Mellor, then? Chelsea FC had long abandoned their pin-stripe shirts when he hit the headlines for his nylon-clad antics.

Edwina has thought of that. “Although no Adonises,” she concedes, “the aura of power made such plain men as David Mellor irresistible to younger women.”

No one knows what led Andrew Pelling to become an MP. Judging by the paper’s picture of the first-time member for Croydon South, he probably isn’t in the Adonis class, although he no doubt has is charms.

Whatever his appeal, it certainly worked for Lucy Slaytor, with whom he has been conducting a private Nineties revival for some time.

That is to say, he has been cheating on his wife by entering into an adulterous relationship with the aforesaid Slaytor, in the time-honoured fashion of Mellor, Norris and all the other big-hitters from the golden age of Tory sleaze.

“He treated me like a doormat,” reflects the understandably unhappy Mrs Sanae Umeda Pelling, who knew about the affair, which started when she was away looking after her dying father.

Despite this, she chose not to embarrass her husband by revealing his crimes before the election. (At least we think she said election, although Mrs Pelling is Japanese.)

The Mail reports that Andrew Pelling’s father spoke from his “two-bedroom semi” (that’s the kind of important property detail that other papers never provide). “I cannot tell you how distressing it is,” he said (the affair, not the two-bedroom semi). “We are normal people.”

The paper says that Pelling “posted envelopes of housekeeping cash through the letterbox of their £500,000 home in Croydon because he could no longer face her”.

Mr Pelling admitted this was true, but chose to accentuate the positive. “I am proud that I support my wife and children financially,” he said.

Ed Barrett’

Posted: 19th, May 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink