Anorak News | Warts And All

Warts And All

by | 6th, June 2005

‘MARY’S reaction to being ranked the least popular member of the Big Brother house was contrary to what we’d expected, and hoped for.

Mary took it well

Few expected the stroppy, self-styled witch to throw off her clothes and impale herself on the nearest crucifix, but surely some swearing and a few threats was on the cards.

But no. Here was Mary’s chance at being something other than one of the many forgotten faces on the role call of reality TV talent.

So what she was hugely unpopular – being liked has never been a vital ingredient to being famous. Just look at Tony Blair. Hitler. Freddie Starr. And, in any case, we all love the villains.

But she missed the chance. Mary wished the winner of the vote, the anodyne Craig, who strives for mediocrity and comes up woefully short, the very best of luck.

“Well done, Craig,” Mary said with her mouth and her eyes, which seemed to narrow, bulge and squint all at once as the strove to back up her generous mouth with heartfelt meaning.

Craig, for his part, scored a few points by smirking. He was happy. Mary was happy for him. But like Mary, he too missed a moment to really impress the public, and failed to jump in the air and scream “In your face!” at Mary.

Out of the house, Mary showed no signs of having put a hex on her former housemates, nor of being able to cast even the most rudimentary of spells over a braying audience whipped up by all the excitement that a chance to be on the telly can muster on a damp Friday night in Elstree.

At one point, the ringmaster, Davina McCall, did that thing where she lowers her voice to a yell and speaks as if she doesn’t know her microphone is listening.

Davina’s inside news from TV land was that Mary was “shaking like a leaf”.

We didn’t get to hear the response from the production team, but at home our minds raced. Was Scary Mary about to explode, to hurl projectile vomit over Davina and the entire audience as her head span round faster and faster until it finally screamed “I’m really mad me” and fell off her neck?

Sadly not. Mary was just nervous. When in conversation with Davina – a trial every bit as unpleasant as anything Mary would have undergone at Salem – Mary swivelled on her chair.

And then – poof! – she was gone, leaving 12 men and women in her past, braying like fools and threatening to get it all out, warts and all…’

Posted: 6th, June 2005 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink